Sky Holidays Young Life

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I attended Young Life meetings when I was a teenager. We had a great time. Of course, that was in the late 70′s. Things may have changed a bit since then.

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Um, that’s great and all, but you will probably get better answers if you don’t post the question in the Weddings section.

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What you are missing out on, is you.

We all had a gf in high school/university who, once she started dating a football player (or an emo or a goth) got decidedly interested in football (or emo-ish or goth-like). Like it or not, we all do that to some extent, and when we don’t go overboard, it’s not a big deal; it can even be good for you.

But since your personality is not really set in stone until you’re a bit older, you run a greater risk of having your personality subverted by the other person’s.

There are other issues too. Most of the young brides I know are in one or the other of these situations, most in the first: the man makes more money, and while he buys her things, she mostly goes along with what he says they’ll do with the money; or, she spends behind his back. Either way, most people should have the opportunity to be in control of their own lives at least for a while, to see what you really like when no one is watching. If you’ve lived with mom or dad or roomates/dorm mates and now hubby, you’ve never experienced you solo, and that is an experience you shouldn’t miss.

Another issue with early marriage: once you’re in a relationship, you may feel obligated to stay with it, even if it’s not working out. Because you’re young, and scared of facing the world alone and because you don’t want to hear the “I told you sos” you might end up staying a relationship that, were it just dating, you’d walk. I’m not saying people should divorce at the first sign of trouble, but I don’t know any women in their thirties who dated in their twenties who don’t say: If I could go back, I’d never have put up with his sh*t.

I have a close friend who married her high school sweetheart. They were happy, had a little house and two kids. She stayed at home, he worked. But as she got into her later twenties (27ish) she finally had to stop pretending. It’s not that he was such a bad guy, he just wasn’t giving her what she wanted. And it’s not that he didn’t want to: He just wasn’t the right person for her. At 18, yes, he was (FYI, they only married at about 23), but no longer. I was hurt when they broke up; she had the life I wanted and was throwing it away. But when I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I realised she had done the right thing, difficult though it may be. She had never travelled, since they couldn’t afford it with the lifestyle he wanted (wife at home, kids early), she’d never gotten a degree, and was terrified to face the world without his help. She’s doing great now, very happy, but she paid a heavy price (and so are her children) because she didn’t wait until she’d developed herself further before becoming a twosome.

I have other friends who got married in their early twenties who have marriages that seem okay, but they haven’t been together long enough to see yet. No one ever really knows, but don’t rush into something until you’ve put yourself out there.

I don’t know many adults who think drinking is the important thing you should do before you get married (wtf?) but getting a degree, travelling on your own, developping an interest in something other than pop culture…these things will help you really see who you are. Who I thought I was at 18 compared to who I really am, the me from about 24-25 on, is completely different, and I’m not the only one.

Anyone I know who married under 24? 25? And is now closer to 30 ALL without exception (I know 15 or so well) wish they’d waited and most of them are either split up, not talking or in counselling. None of them are bad people, they just jumped when they should have considered. Only a very few are still genuinely happy with their choice, but even THEY say they should have waited a bit longer.

The real question is, what’s the rush? If it’s true love, it will still be there in a couple of years…getting married now or later won’t change that.

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His mom! He cared a lot for her and tried to work and get money to feed her when she was sickk…
Maybe his grandma? Cause she kind of influenced the way he doesnt like church and stuff..
Kind of his dad because he left him and his brother when they were younger..or if you can recall waay in the beginning of the book when he recalled a visit he had with his dad asking for money and stuff but his dad was very rude about it all..
The white men before he moved north had an influence on him too!

Hope it helped!